I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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