I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
