if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
