Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
