if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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