quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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