Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Randomize
