We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
