piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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