Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
