so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
love makes seman taste better
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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