Where is the hickey?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
