Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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