apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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