planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
