I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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