Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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