1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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