Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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