He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
