Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
