It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
