i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
