Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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