Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
