bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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