a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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