i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
