my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
