i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
