after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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