I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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