i love accidental penises.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
