Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
