I love black thongs
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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