Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
