Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
