i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
