I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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