dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
