he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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