Do you still have your period?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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