just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
