the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
