According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
