Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
