Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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