If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
