I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
