get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
