The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
