so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
