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quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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