A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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