Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
